Sasuke Fan Club Truth
by Kichi Hisaki
Summary: This is the real truth about the Sasuke Fan Club. No lies. Once you read this, nothing in Naruto will ever be the same. NO PAIRINGS.


I came up with this idea a few months ago when I was at camp with my friends and reading Naruto. I made this entire thing up in five minutes, and it's at least a twenty minute explanation. This is unlike anything you've ever read before, so yeah.

Disclaimer: I (sadly) don't own Naruto. I wish I did, though. Because if I did, the entire plot would be the same, but the pairings different.

The Sasuke Fan Club

As you all know, there is a Sasuke Fan Cub. Right? And you also know that Sakura is the president and Ino is the Vice-President. And that nearly all the girls (and women) are part of it. You know that much, right?

Well, let me tell you the bit that you DON'T know about the club.

Underneath the Hokage monuments is a secret passage way that can only be revealed when the president of the fan club places the almighty golden Sasuke amulet on the thirty-second crack from the right on the bottom of the monument. And that passage way is only opened up on Wednesday and Saturday nights at exactly ten o'clock pm.

Thirty minutes before hand, the members of the Sasuke fan club put on their gas masks and gas the entire village with sleeping gas. During the thirty minutes of free time that they have, they dress up in long, pure white robes and wear the Sasuke headband- a Konoha headband that had the leaf sign removed and was replaced with a chibi picture of Sasuke's head. Then, at ten, they all light their ceremonial candles (all of them are black and are bound with a special jutsu so the candle will never turn into a puddle of wax) and exit their houses and form a single-filed line that leads to the secret entrance to the Sasuke Fan Club temple.

At the beginning and end of this line are two people waving a large white flag with a picture of Sasuke's chibi head on it and saying "Sasuke Love" in Japanese in red on it. They walk slowly in line while waving the flag slowly, chanting, "Ooh dah sei ko no mi ta, Saaaasuukeeeeee…" Over and over again.

In the temple, when everyone is finally in, Sakura and Ino begin the ceremony with everyone kneeling down with their candles in front of them, reading from the Sasuke Bible. The flag people are in the back of the temple, placed at the doors to stand there and hold their respective flags.

The temple is a sight for itself. All along the edges of the temple are large paintings of Sasuke in different clothing and eras, with different poses, too. At the front of the temple is a gigantic gold statue of Sasuke in all his mighty glory. The only light are the candles of every member.

Now, if anyone were to ever touch this gold statue of Sasuke, they would be banned from the club forever and never allowed to join back in. The night after the person touches the statue, there is another ceremony to ban the evil person. Instead of wearing their respective white robes, they would all wear black ones that were just like the white ones and masks that had Sasuke's face on them. They would place the banned person in a blazing ring of fire, where they would kneel in shame wearing a set of red robes that were just like the white ones also. The other members of the club would do a ceremonial dance around the ring of fire, chanting, "Mis koo no keh the do no sei di no mei se tei" over an d over until the final moment, where everyone would scream out the last syllable and all pose in different fashions. Suddenly, the ring of fire would rise to almost touch the temple ceiling (which is very tall, mind you), then drop back down to reveal that the banned person is missing. Said person would wake up the next morning with no memory of the fan club or any of the members, and with a really bad headache. (there is no Special ritual for anyone to join the club)

Now, on certain days, members of the fan club would be accompanied by Sakura and Ino to the temple and escorted to the back rooms of it, were there are secret doors and tunnels in there. The tunnels lead to all the members houses in case there in a problem and the members needs to get back to their house. But… Most importantly, there is a tunnel that leads straight underneath Sasuke's bed. This tunnel is used for two purposes. One: to sneak into his room and steal pairs of his underwear so they can collect the DNA cells on the undergarments to create mindless clones of Sasuke for each and every one of the members of the club to do their bidding. Two: to steal pairs of his clothes so they can make copies of the clothes for themselves and their clones. Sasuke would come home that day to find some of his clothes missing.

Each and everyone of the Fan girls would have these accessories: The Sasuke headband, and badge of their choice of color with a picture of Sasuke on it, Sasuke's clothes (their size), a Sasuke shirt, Sasuke pants, Sasuke shoes, Sasuke socks, and last but not least- Sasuke undergarments. These clothes are only to be worn on one day of the year, any year. Sasuke's birthday. At sunset, they would gas everyone in the village except for Sasuke and hold a large party outside his house. A large pink cake with the words, "Happy B-Day, SASUKE-KUN!" would be implanted on the cake. There would be games and everything at the party, and they would have a bon fire. All the while, Sasuke would be watching from his bedroom window. At sunrise, a chosen fan girl would shoot Sasuke with a tranquilizer so that he would fall asleep and wake up with no memory of the night before.

All fan girls must keep one rule- no, LAW stuck in their mind at all times. If ou are to approach the ALMIGHTY Sasuke, you need to have at least two other fan members with you at all times of the encounter. This rule is excused to Sakura during the time she spends with her team, since she's the only girl on the team. Bu t outside of this time, she must have another member with her.

Now, you know the full truth about the Sasuke Fan Club. There are no more lies that are to be told to you about this club. If anyone tells you otherwise, please remember to shoot the with the small tranquilizing gun that is given to you when you join the club, as written down in the Almighty Sasuke Bible- law number 88,654,332.

Owari.

YAH! I'm finally finished! GO ME!

Don't be fooled. I know that you are looking this and thinking, "There is no way in HELL this chick made this all up in five minutes."

But I did. So there.

R&R.


End file.
